Westward Journey

Where did I leave you?

Oh yes.

I was with Sondra in her off-campus apartment while we ate beignets and discussed parenthood. I didn’t mean to say it! It just happened: “I’ll raise it, then.”

I didn’t know til I said it and saw the look on my sister’s face that that was what she had been waiting for during the whole conversations. She looked so relieved, so happy, I didn’t have the heart to add, “Maybe… let me think about it.” “CHRIS!!!!!” she sighed. “I don’t know how to say how happy I am.”

We agreed that I would come back to New Orleans in time for the baby’s birth. I would save up as much money as I could before then, and then head out west.

So I did. I showed up a week before her due date, and the very next day, as if she’d been waiting for me, Jaime arrived.

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Wondering if people actually do that La Maz breathing? Well, they do. I know. I was there.


Play Station to Play Groups

I promised you a story of my journey, and now you’re gonna get it.

I used to be know-it-all about all things gaming. I spend all my time playing games, talking about games, and watching videos about games. I read everything I could about coding, and even started my own little code-generation business.

Then, things changed. My sister got pregnant.

You would think this would be a source of great joy. It is, now! And how. Not so much back then.

Sondra went to Tulane for school, but dropped out to party. She got pretty deep into drugs and we didn’t hear from her for a while. One year, she missed Christmas. It wasn’t just that she chose not to come home. That wouldn’t be a big deal. What happened was that I paid for her ticket using the money I was making in my coding biz, and then she just didn’t show. She didn’t use the ticket, she didn’t call or anything.

I was freaked. We were very close growing up, even if we’d grown apart, I still wanted her to be safe.

“Why don’t you take it?”

I went out to New Orleans and tracked her down. She was fine, and actually sober! But she was pregnant. She didn’t know know how to tell us, because she knew she wasn’t ready to be a mother. She also wasn’t ready to let the child go.

We talked about it for hours and hours. I thought the best plan would be to ask our mother to raise the child, but she wouldn’t have it. “Not after what I went through,” she said, meaning a rocky relationship between them. “Why don’t you take it?”

Amazingly enough, during all those hours of talking, weighing open adoption or closed adoption, and ways she could pay for childcare while going to school, it hadn’t occurred to me that I could take that on. Me! A dude! Someone who knew ask much about mothering as about brain surgery. Which is to say, nothing at all.

And yet.


to be continued…